I once had a near-Nordstrom experience with Jessica Simpson, the smartest ‘dumb blonde’ of our generation. I walked by the South Coast Plaza store just as she dashed to her limousine and sped off. Cosmic timing a little off, I felt certain that she’s the one who missed out. I didn’t crave her proximity.

Inside Nordy’s space, I queried a sales clerk, learning that Jessica’d launched her fragrance line with papparazi cameras competing with the store’s lighting for her attention.

Oh well. As usual in life, ‘too little to late’.

As you may recall, Jessica Simpson gained fame for stupid, low level remarks on an early TV reality show, such as when she astonished us by believing that buffaloes had wings – and, oh my, weren’t they yummy! She showed that she had too little under the hair, defining ‘dumb blonde’ beyond Talking Barbie’s famous gaff: “Math is hard.” Pull her string – Not! Feminist advancers were livid.

Jessica Simpson also initiated draping long-tailed scarves around her neck, like a cowboy had lassoed her for his own, as his brand. The look went well with her boots. But, not being a trend-follower has long been a hallmark of mine – I treasure being unique.

In the past few years, I’ve had a change of neck: I’ve adopted the fashion, with many lanky, well-patterned fabric swathes in my clothing constellation.

No, it’s not ring around the collar that I yearn to hide; it’s the wrinkled neck of a Boomer babe. The Jessica-disclaiming feminists of yesteryear are same-age peers, so are likely closet mirror compadres. Jessica is getting on in years herself, so maybe she was looking ahead, er neck. As I said, the smartest ‘dumb blonde’ trend-setter, for she has a line of her own. Ka-ching! She’s stashing the cash.

While not as sublimely inclined as Nefertiti, my neck had long been one of my body’s strengths. (yes, for holding aloft my mighty intellect, as well as my noble pride). My dermatologist laughed when I decried the pulpy wrinkles that traipsed around my neck. While her expensive creams and nouvelle procedures could straighten a face, the neck lines couldn’t be ironed out so easily.

What’s up, Doc?

Hmmn, women and girls around me were still rocking their look with collections of scarves.

Hmmn, let me see: swish, loop, and switch. Huzzah – neck wrinkle camouflage.

I’m liking the new fashionably looped neck with its down-the-chest cascade…Keeps my upper body warm in chill night air and – bonus – makes me look taller and thinner, donchathink?

Humor me, people.

Of course, there is another benefit for those of us who are ‘plop’-inclined, perpetually dropping that ittiest bit of soy or barbecue sauce or salad dressing sublime, mid-chest on our favorite blouse. If you keep a scarf handy, it can loopity-loop to cover the sin until you can dab the spot with fabric cleaner, in the privacy of the restaurant bathroom.

Yeah for long scarves for those of us who will go to any length to hide our age.