Matthew Perry died unexpectedly a couple of weeks ago. He’d had problems for many years and was open about his additions and rehabilitation. Everyone applauded his openness and felt he’d conquered his demons. He seemed to have embraced his success, even opening his home to help other addicts.

No one else named it precisely, but it seems he was addicted to the necessity to be funny.

While many note that I’m constantly the center of attention because I’m funny, I say with assurance: I’m not funny as a necessity or because I need applause. I’m funny because I can.

Matt’s character, Chandler Bing, was my favorite Friend. Because he starred at ‘Spunk & Bite’, a particular form of sarcasm. He also had impeccable timing and nuance of phrase.

Could he have been any funnier? I think not.

I’ve been binge-watching reels, short clips of funny moments, and outtakes that feature his character on Friends. I know it’s a means of mourning and keeping him alive in my mind.

Though the highly popular TV show, Friends, ran for ten seasons, I wasn’t a true fan. The New York City setting with a group of dilettantes who hung out for endless hours offended my sensibilities in every way. While I’m loyal to my small group of friends – who are as eclectic as the cast of Friends – we don’t hang out endlessly. Nor do we get in each other’s face with advice, unwanted sometimes but often spot-on. I’m a sunshine-and-blue skies gal, an affinity I had before becoming a Californian.

I also wasn’t 30-something while Friends aired.

Not even when the characters married and shared my sense of responsibility. I knew the ensemble characters were supportive of each other and had an unusually well-bonded dynamic. Yes, their situations were hilarious, but nothing about the show was like my life, so their jokes didn’t resonate with me then.

But now they do, as I tamp down grief by binging on Chandler-filled reals. The timing and sarcasm-laden lines.

Chandler Bing was my favorite Friend.

As Joni Mitchell famously sang, “It goes to show, you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone.”